Lance Armstrong to be burned in effigy

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KENT, ENGLAND – He’s a liar and cheat; so the town of Edenbridge, in Kent England, plans to torch Lance Armstrong. Ok, ok it’s a 30 foot steel model of the disgraced cyclist they plan to BBQ at their annual bonfire. Actually, BBQ is an understatement.

The figure will be stuffed with oil-soaked newspapers and packed with fireworks. They’ll light him up then the town of eight thousand will wait for the cyclist’s cranium to explode into smithereens.

Armstrong has always been known as a fierce competitor, and a man who’d do anything to win. This attitude apparently helped him beat out an alleged pedophile and an alleged terrorist in this conflagration contest. Undoubtedly, the former world class cyclist is now a world class chump; but a pedophile and a terrorist?

Well, it turns out the decision was based on more than sins. ‘Color’ was the influencing factor. Not race, but how pretty the effigy would look when it was set ablaze.

While the real Lance Armstrong continues to ‘Live Strong’ his likeness will soon burn brightly in the little town of Edenbridge.