Lance Armstrong admits he’s a big, fat cheater

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AUSTIN, TX – It seems the woman can pull anything out of anyone. Oprah Winfrey had Tom Cruise looking like a lunatic on her couch. She got the king of secrecy, Michael Jackson, to open up and now after years of playing the victim the Big-O got the world’s most famous, former super-star cyclist, Lance Armstrong, to admit to doping!

Lance Armstrong’s web of lies may have fooled the International Cycling Union, the federal government and his very own Livestrong organization; but since he’s already quit cycling and quit his position with his organization, maybe he thought now’s a good time to quit lying.

We can’t wait to find out all those nitty-gritty-doping details!

Now that General Petraus is out of the picture, why has no one nominated Oprah Winfrey for a position in the CIA? This woman pulls confessions like no body’s business or, everybody’s business, more appropriately.