OJ Simpson takes the stand

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ojLAS VEGAS, NV – For the first time in his considerable courtroom experience, O.J Simpson has taken the stand.

It’s thought to be a long-shot, but Simpson is trying to get his conviction for stealing sports memorabilia at gunpoint overturned.  The former football star says he got bad legal advice, leading to poor decisions and his ultimate conviction back in 2008.

Overall, lawyers didn’t squeeze anything too zesty out of ‘The Juice’ during Wednesday’s testimony. But he did say he’d been drinking a lot before trying to steal back his stuff: “I had a joke that my doctor says I should never have an empty glass, is what I told the waitress.”

In the end, the whole “you got away with killing your wife” sentiment kind of screws with most people’s objectivity. But you know what they say, if the glove doesn’t fit.