Man high on mushrooms rips off own penis

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ripsYPSILANTI TOWNSHIP, MI – Drugs are bad! An Ohio man almost died when he started to trip his balls off only to end up ripping part of his own “d” out!

The self-mutilation happened in Michigan, were local cops claim a 41-year-old man on magic mushrooms, yanked part of his penis off after experiencing a very bad trip. Sheriff’s found the unnamed man, who was in the Ann Arbor area visiting friends, naked and screaming in front of a school.

Unable to communicate with the crazed man (who was clearly off his head on shrooms) the officers subdued him and then called an ambulance. In an attempt to piece together what happened, authorities also collected the jerked off bit and sent it (along with the man) off to the hospital.

The man, who was close to death because of massive blood loss, is now recovering from his injuries. No word on whether doctors were able to patch-up the situation. We could say we’re all pulling for this guy’s penis, but things don’t seem to be looking up.

2 comments

  • malcolmkyle

    As yet, there is actually no evidence to suggest that magic mushrooms were even involved in this folly.

    A very small minority will always insist on ruining their own lives with drugs, no matter what the legal implications attached. Drug abuse should essentially be a self-limiting problem; by criminalizing it we have expanded it into an international disaster. No scenario could possibly be worse than what we have now. If this is not the most egregious example of 'the-nanny-state-run-amok' then I fail to see what is.

    The economic implications of permanently removing millions of citizens from social participation and productive labor is surely incalculable. One in every hundred Americans is now locked behind bars and one adult in 31 is under “correctional” supervision.

    Proceeding with this moronathon subsidizes organized crime, terrorists, corrupt politicians and the prejudices of narrow-minded culture warriors. Prohibition's distortion of the immutable laws of supply and demand insures that the only clear winners are drug cartels, terrorists and these same corrupt politicians who've built careers on purposely confusing drug prohibition's collateral damage with the substances that they claim to be fighting. The big losers in this battle are everybody else, especially us taxpayers who have been deluded into believing big government is the appropriate response to non-traditional consensual vices.

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