Dead fish found in National Mall pond

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WASHINGTON, DC – A dead fish handshake is bad; but real dead fish, like in the water… that’s a tragedy!

About a thousand dead Blue Gills have turned up in Washington D.C’s National Mall pond. Crews had to go scoop them up by the bucket! The likely cause is an algae bloom which robs water of its oxygen, but the water was still tested to be sure.

“The primary concern is we test the water for any unusual chemicals, which we have done, and determined there’s no chemicals in the water at this time that would cause this level of fish kill,” says John Emminizer, District Department of the Environment.

It all sounds fishy to us.