Report: Kim Jong-Un had ex-girlfriend executed by firing squad

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PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – Psycho ex-girlfriends can really ruin your day. But if North Korea’s Li’l Kim Jong-Un is your psycho ex- boyfriend, well, you are Definitely S-O-L: shot on location.

A South Korean newspaper reports that North Korea’s supreme leader had a firing squad machine-gun a dozen entertainers.

Among them, his former girlfriend, North Korean pop star Hyong Song-Wol. She sang with the Unhasu Orchestra and has had several music videos, including the popular ‘Excellent Horse-Like Lady.’

The other victims are said to be members of her band or the orchestra. One story is that Li’l Kim had Hyong and the others shot for making sex tapes, and that he forced their families to watch the executions before sending them to prison camps.

Another story has Li’l Kim’s new wife behind the executions. That’s because she sang with the same Unhasu Orchestra as the former girlfriend, giving rise to speculation that she was eliminating her competition, permanently.

And that’s because other reports say the former girlfriend became his current mistress.

Makes a mad girlfriend with a hammer look pretty good.