New Year’s reveler kills Alaskan town’s internet service with stupidity

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TANANA, AK – They wanted to start the New Year off with a bang, but went off-line instead. Tanana, Alaska is still without the World Wide Web, after a New Year’s Eve reveler fired his shotgun into the air and killed the town’s internet connection.

The act of shooting off guns at midnight to ring in the New Year is seen as a tradition in the small town. But now about 250 residents are not able to update their Facebook status, all because the town’s main fiber-optic cable was riddled with holes by a .410 gauge shotgun. Alaska State Troopers are investigating, but so far no one has fessed up.

Ralph Eller, who owns the local cable company, doesn’t know whether the shooting was intentional or accidental; but what he does know is, “You can’t fix stupid.” It’s going to cost an estimated $10,000 to get the people of Tanana online again. That is, once the parts get to them in the middle of nowhere.

Until they get their service restored, the town will have to just shoot the breeze with themselves. And by that we mean, they should let their voices do the talking and not their firearms.