HISD board votes to ban racist mascots

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HOUSTON, TX – Sorry, fans: you’ll have to say goodbye to some long-standing traditions. In a move intended to make life at school more inclusive and respectful, the Houston Independent School District Board voted to prohibit the use of any race or ethnic group as a mascot or nickname.

Is this the sign of a more profound trend that will change the face of sports?

“Well, I think it’s a step in the right direction,” said Steve Melendez from the American Indian Genocide Museum, after the vote. “It’s about time to bring this issue into the light of day.”

No more “Redskins, Rebels, Indians and Warriors”, alright? From now on, the four schools affected by the vote, which include Lamar High School, Westbury High School, Hamilton Middle School and Welch Middle School, will have to find new names, perhaps animal-inspired mascots such as bears, felines or wasps.

No, that probably won’t fly either. But this is not the end of the story, folks.

For one thing, it won’t take long until somebody starts making players say “I’m sorry”, every time they charge the opponent too hard. Nothing like Southern manners, you know.