Obama and Putin face off at UN over Ukraine, Syria

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NEW YORK, NY – The steely-eyed toast between President Obama and Russia’s Vladimir Putin during Monday’s luncheon at the United Nations was an indication of things to come.

You don’t expect the ultimate bro shake when these two get together, but the face off at the UN was almost painful to watch: Orchestrated, awkward, and tense, like two boys forced by the principal to shake hands and make up, in and out in thirteen seconds before heading off to a private meeting for ninety minutes of what aides described as a “very constructive and surprisingly open” discussion about Ukraine and in Syria.

Earlier in the day, Obama called out Putin for putting troops in Ukraine. “We cannot stand by when the sovereignty and territorial integrity of a nation is flagrantly violated."

Putin used his time to slap the west about its actions in the Middle East. "I cannot help but asking those who have caused the situation, do you realize now what you have done?”

Uncle Sam supports the rebels in their fight against Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, who is also fighting ISIS. Putin says the only way to beat ISIS is to support Assad, and to share intelligence with Iran, Iraq, and Syria.

"No one but President Assad's armed forces and Kurd's militia are truly fighting the Islamic State and other terrorist organizations in Syria,” Putin said.

"In accordance with this logic, we should support tyrants like Bashar al-Assad, who drops barrel bombs to massacre innocent children, because the alternative is surely worse,” said Obama.

Something tells us it will take more than wine to make these guys feel good about each other.