Critter News: a fish with legs, a panda in the snow, a cow saved from slaughter, a sloth in the middle of the road

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BAY OF ISLANDS, NEW ZEALAND – Each week, NewsFix journalists risk what reputations they have left to bring you the very latest in Critter News.

Dateline: Bay of Islands, New Zealand, where a creepy, crawly critter turned up in a net. Was it a frog? Was it a fish? Yes. It was. It was a frogfish. And yes, it has legs, and teeth, and can bite. In fact, it’s jaw speed is equal to that of a .22 bullet.

Hey, if a frog and a pig can date, then anything is possible.

Dateline: Washington, DC, where a snow man at the National Zoo is really a snow panda.

Tian Tian the giant panda took the day off during Winter Storm Jonas to play in the snow, because who doesn’t have a secret desire to roll bare in the snow.

Dateline: New Jersey, where Freddie the runaway steer has a new home. And it’s not on someone’s plate.

Last week, Freddie ran away from a New York City live meat and poultry market where he was the special guest at the wrong kind of meat and greet if you’re a cow.

Freddie ended up at an animal rescue farm where he’ll live a long and happy life. They named him Freddie after Freddie Mercury because he came from Queens.

Dateline: Quevedo, Ecuador, where the big question is: why did the sloth cross the road?

Officers from the transit commission found it and posted these pictures to Facebook.

The real question should be: how did it cross the road. Sloths move slower than molasses on a cold morning.

Kinda like a teenager getting out of bed to go to school.