Who will the Texans starting quarterback be in week 2?

HOUSTON – What do you get a 22-year-old rookie quarterback for his birthday — on what might be the biggest night of his career thus far? Well, if you’re ex porn-queen Mia Khalifa, you might get a slap in the face!

She tweeted a video sending salutations to the newly-acquired Texan with a video where Deshaun Watson blocked Khalifa’s attempt to take it to the basket.

Now that that’s out of the way. Lets get down to business. Reports say Coach Bill O’Brien might let the birthday boy start Thursday in Cincinnati in front of Tom ‘Two-Quarters’ Savage, although the official nod has yet to be received.

Still the Deshaun Era could be short-lived if we don’t do something about the offensive line. Duane Brown is still holding out for the almighty payday and Brian Cushing was suspended for 10 games for taking performance-enhancing drugs. But at least he apologized for his mistake. Oh wait he didn’t.

Denver-based attorney Harvey Steinberg did it for him saying, “He is aware of the negative impact he has had on his team and, most importantly, his fans.” The lawyer also said that Cushing will not appeal his suspension.

Good luck Bulls and DW4. We’ll leave you with birthday salutations of our own.

Now go out there and beat those Bengals.