BERLIN, GERMANY – Have you heard? The Germans are building up their military! No, don’t worry, not for world domination this time. This new development is more physical.
A recently published report from the German Medical Science reveals many of Germany’s enlisted men are developing breasts. Call it “krauts growing knockers!” But not a full rack for the rank and file; das boobs are only sprouting from the soldiers left side.
Berlin’s blossoming bosoms are because of repeated slamming of the soldier’s rifles against the left side of their chests during training drills. The constant pounding of weapons has stimulated hormones on one side of their bodies causing this growing problem.
A whopping 74% of battalion members have developed these male mammaries. A condition that can be reversed according to leading German plastic surgeon, Professor Bjorn Krapohl by altering the way soldiers perform their practice drills.
Krapohl could be on to something, or he could just be full of it; but that only leaves two options for Germany. Either change the methods of military training or get their soldiers lopsided training bras.