Federal judge rules San Antonio strippers must wear bikini tops

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SAN ANTONIO, TX – Do not expect this next story to be just another titillating tale.

It actually has a real name: ‘The Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v. The (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top’.

But don’t try to make a federal case out of this because it already is.

The city of San Antonio makes female dancers in nightclubs wear bikini tops, or else the club becomes a sexually oriented business.

The guys who runs the ’35 Bar and Grille’ clothed their argument behind their first-amendment right to free speech, claiming that making their girls wear bikini tops would strip them of profits, and affect their bottom line.

When federal district judge Fred Biery issued his ruling this week, he included a picture of clothed Texas erotic contortionist Miss Wiggles as proof that clothing does not get in the way of a good time.

Hey, he wears a robe at work, so what do you expect?

In denying the preliminary injunction request, the judge also encouraged the parties to pursue ‘reasonable discovery to intercourse as they navigate the peaks and valleys of litigation, perhaps to a happy ending.’

And that, friends, just about covers the question of whether to bare or not to bare.