Trucker sues doctor over 8-month long erection

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truckNEWARK, DE – Dealing with hard times can be daunting. Just ask 44-year-old Daniel Metzgar, a truck driver from Delaware who is suing his doctor for giving him an eight-month long erection.

Metzgar realized he had big problems, when he claims a botched 2009 penile implant surgery left his penis perpetually petrified. The shafted man has a bone to pick with Dr. Thomas J. Desperito, the urologist who performed the operation.

This hard-pressed guy says his permanent predicament, got in the way of everyday tasks like getting the paper in the morning, riding his motorcycle and even enjoying music.

“I could hardly dance, with an erection poking my partner”, says Metzgar.

The trucker was stuck in high gear and had to stiff it out for eight months. Finally his hardship died down when the inflatable implant inside his penis punctured his scrotum.

Metzgar eventually got a replacement prosthesis, but claims complications from the non-stop stiffy left him “50% smaller” and with less sensation than before. Sounds like things could have gone smoother for Metzgar if he had only tightened-up his testicles!

What might’ve started out as a joke by George Clooney (about how the star likes to get his “sack” wrinkles smoothed away) turns out to be an actual Hollywierd trend.

For about $575 bucks, you too can get your wrinkly old balls ironed out. Crinkled crotches are un-creased with the help of lasers pointed at your junk. The salons claim a smoother sack can boost self-confidence in men.

Then again, if something awful happens to you down yonder you can do what Metzgar did and take your broken crotch to court.

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