Officials warn Swedish skinny dippers of testicle-eating fish

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SCANDINAVIA – If you’re going to be dangling your bait in the water, expect some fish to swim up and bite it.

That’s what Scandinavian officials are saying to skinny dippers, after a testicle biting fish was found in their waters.

They’re known as the South American Pacu, a vegetarian fish that’s affectionately known as the friendly cousin of the piranha. And although these fish have a mouth full of menacing looking teeth, those choppers are mostly used to crack open their favorite food: “nuts”! Unfortunately, human testis also has a certain nutty look to them (hence the name) and that is the problem in a nutshell, so to speak.

There’ve been reported cases, where men from Papua New Guinea have had their sacs bitten off by pacus. Fish experts explain, “They bite because they’re hungry, and testicles sit nicely in their mouth.”

The Scandinavian warning comes after a local fisherman caught a pacu in the Oresund Sound, between Sweden and Denmark. It’s not known how the pesky pacu got into the Nordic region, but authorities want male swimmers to know, “keep your swimsuit on in the sound these days, maybe there are a few more out there.”

So, no skinny dipping for Swedes. But if they are so concerned about they’re crotches, perhaps they could just take the pacus to IKEA were the hungry little fish could eat as many Swedish meatballs as they want.