United Nations opens its stage to world leaders

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NEW YORK, NY – The United Nations, once again, has become the world’s stage.

As protesters lined up across the street to protest all things Iran, representatives of the world’s nation’s paraded through the front doors for the annual spectacle of diplomacy and debate at the UN General Assembly.

UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon on Syria: ‘I appeal to all states to stop fueling the bloodshed and to end the arms flow to all the parties.”

President Obama touched on the world’s current hot potatoes, like the terror attack in Kenya (‘And our hearts go out to families of those who have been affected.”), to the money we’re pouring into Syria (‘America’s committed over a billion dollars to this effort, and today I can announce that we will be providing an additional $340 million dollars.”), to the Middle East in general (“The United States is chastised for meddling in the region, accused of having a hand in all matter of conspiracy.  At the same time, the United States is blamed for failing to do enough to solve the region’s problems, and for showing indifference toward suffering Muslim populations.”), and to Iran specifically (‘We are encouraged that President Rouhani received from the Iranian people a mandate to pursue a more moderate course.’)

But the world finally learned what scares President Obama the most, particularly when it comes to smoking cigarettes. He spilled the beans while chatting with the UN Special Rapporteur, “I haven’t had a cigarette in probably six years. That’s because I’m scared of my wife.”

So this probably means he didn’t step out for smoke after knocking back some wine with the boys.