Female-named hurricanes are deadlier than male storms

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HOUSTON, TX – Alright everyone, listen up. The 2014 Atlantic hurricane season is officially upon us and we need to have a talk about something that could save your life the next time a cat 4 is barreling down your driveway: sex. That’s right, sex.

According to researchers at the University of Illinois, “female” hurricanes are deadlier than male hurricanes. Or maybe we should say, storms with female names are deadlier.

No joke.

Researchers compiled sixty-years worth of hurricane data and determined that female-named hurricanes have resulted in more deaths than storms with masculine names.


What should surprise you is the reason why. Researchers theorize that female storms are deadlier because people take them less seriously. Because so many folks associate women with kindness and generosity, the assumption is that a “female” storm is less-threatening.

“I guess, you know, Hurricane Patty doesn’t sound like it’s going to overflow levy’s and ruin $4 billion worth of infrastructure,” Houstonian Logan Merriweather admits.

Those of us who live along the gulf coast ought to know better. Katrina, Carla, Sandy, Allison? Should we go on?

The point is this: whether it’s called Hurricane Beelzebub or Tropical Storm Fluffy-Bunny, it should be taken seriously.