Taliban lose their head, get a new one

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KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – Hey, Mr. Taliban, tally me a leader. / One-Eye’s dead and you need a new head.

The Taliban confirm that their one-eyed leader, Mullah Mohammed Omar, is indeed dead, as the Afghan government announced earlier in the week.

The Taliban wouldn’t confirm intelligence reports that Omar died in a Pakistani hospital two years ago.

But their other news is that this guy, Mullah Akhtar Mohammed Mansoor will be their new leader.

He was their number two guy, and may have already been their number one guy if Omar has been dead a couple of years.

Omar dropped out of sight after a coalition led by the United States overthrew the Taliban government in 2001 and Uncle Sam put a $10-million bounty on his head.

But now, the Washington Post reports that our spies may have known where he was back in 2011.

Apparently, then-CIA director Leon Panetta told Pakistan’s president that Omar was in the Aga Khan University Hospital in Karachi. But it looks like no one did anything about it.

Now we’re hearing that US officials think they know where ISIS terrorist Jihadi John is hiding out.

His real name is Momammed Emwazi who was born in Kuwait and moved to England where he became a rapper.

Some news reports say he’s on the run, too hot for ISIS now that everyone knows who he is.

US spies think he may be in Raqqa, Syria, the self-declared capital of the self-declared Islamic State.

They say ISIS is keeping him out of the spotlight.

Of course, he could be dead, and wouldn’t that be so sad.

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