Revenge porn, distracted driving, and fichera bars subjects of new Texas laws

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AUSTIN, TX – Welcome to September, the month when most new Texas laws take effect.

Gov. Greg Abbott signed about 1,700 bills into law this year, and about 700 of those start now.

One of those new laws is supposed to make Texas streets and highways safer by requiring driver’s education classes to include a two-hour video on the dangers of distracted driving.

“The popular thing to talk about is texting driving, but there’s talking on the phone,” said Brad Colman, owner of Safeway Driving. “Even if it’s ‘hands-free’ if you’re talking on Bluetooth, your mind is distracted. You have inattention blindness. You’re only seeing half the things that your eyes see.”

Listen up, all you creepy guys, and maybe girls. Revenge porn is now against the law in Texas.

Yeah, if you have a hankering to post those sexually explicit photos and videos of your ex, you could get hit with a $4,000 fine and spend a year in jail running from some guy named Bubba who wants to go deep into the details.

And speaking of creeps, it’s now against the law to spy on someone in a motor vehicle, boat, airplane, or mobile home so you can satisfy some sick sexual desire. You mean it wasn’t?

Thanks to a new law, all of those hair stylists doing all of those brides at their weddings won’t have to look over their shoulders the whole time. It’s now okay to curl up and dye outside the shop.

If you have a license for a concealed handgun, thanks to a new law you can use it to cash checks and buy beer.

Good news if you have a holiday gift card burning a hole in your pocket. You can now get your balance in cold, hard cash, if it’s not more than $2.50.

You’d probably need more than a couple of bucks at one of those “fichera" bars where you have to buy expensive non-alcoholic beverages in exchange for some female companionship. But no mas, mi amigo. Apparently now you’ll get real booze for your money.

Hey, kids. Good news. Getting an approved day off from school will no longer land you in jail. Truancy is now a civil offense, as long as you don’t get caught in a “fichera bar.”