CDC to young women: don’t drink alcohol unless you’re using birth control

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ATLANTA, GA - Who needs overprotective parents when you have the Centers for Disease Control?  In a surprising move, the CDC warns young women not to drink alcohol at all, unless they're using birth control because drinking could affect the hypothetical fetus.

So, ague for your next date, OK?  The CDC estimates more than 3 million US women are at risk of exposing their developing baby to fetal alcohol syndrome, because they're drinking, having sex, and not using birth control.  Wait a second: if they're having sex and not using birth control, women are at risk of developing "a baby", period.

We get it: doctors want pregnant women to be safe and their babies to grow healthy.  Research suggests 100% of all fetal alcohol spectrum disorders are preventable.  But isn't this a bit much?

"Everybody can't take birth control pills," said Houston resident Tabatha Wricks.  "It does things to their bodies so, they shouldn't be able to tell people what they can and can't do."

"I don't think I'll be a mother," added Jessica Zanette, "but still alcohol is not good for our bodies, we know that; but it should not be related to that topic only."

"I think that everyone has the responsibility to make their own personal decisions," Eritrea Griffith concluded.

So, remember: if you're having the time of your life, don't drink; and if you're gonna drink, take the pill.  And if you drink and want to have a healthy baby, you better not have sex.  Confused?  Dizzy?  Perhaps you've had one too many.